Getting By with a Little Help from My Friends: Why Leaders Need Colleagues Who “Get It”

“It’s a lonely job, isn’t it?”

Late in my first year as an Executive Director, after navigating a particularly difficult staffing issue, a VP from one of the organization’s member universities said this to me almost offhand. I nearly cried on the spot because he had spoken the feeling that had been sitting heavily on my heart for months.

I’d been in leadership roles throughout my entire career, as a manager, director, and so on, and thought I knew what leadership felt like. But my first year as an Executive Director was a rude awakening. Suddenly, the workplace camaraderie I had always taken for granted felt…different. The easy banter, after-work hangouts, and casual conversations all shifted the moment I reached the top of the organizational chart.

Everything I said now carried more weight. No longer could I confide in someone at work without considering the consequences. Every word had the potential to be overanalyzed or misinterpreted. I couldn’t speak freely to the staff or to the board. I was the bridge between two groups, both of whom needed me to be composed, thoughtful, and on my game at all times.

So where did that leave me? Who could I talk to when I needed to process an idea, vent my frustrations, or brainstorm creative solutions without causing stress or confusion inside the organization?

Being an Executive Director or CEO of a nonprofit

can be a lonely experience. You are the connector between the staff and the board. You are the flame-carrier for the mission and the public face of your organization. That means you have to be deliberate about what you say and to whom you say it. Often, you can’t fully share your worries or frustrations with anyone inside your organization, and even your significant other or close friends may not fully understand the nuances of your role.

That’s where colleagues come in. Having a trusted group of peers who work in your sector and who understand your challenges without needing a lengthy explanation is one of the most important ways to support yourself as you navigate nonprofit leadership. I credit much of my success to the colleagues-turned-friends who have counseled me, encouraged me, and responded to my emails, weird memes, tearful phone calls, and celebratory notes over the years.

Here’s why these relationships matter so much and how to build them.

The Professional Safety Net

Colleagues provide a safe, judgment-free space to be fully honest. Sometimes, you need to discuss a challenging board situation, a funding shortfall, or a staff transition, and you simply can’t do that with someone inside your organization.

These peers already understand the weight of leadership decisions. They won’t overreact, misinterpret, or carry your worries back to your staff or board. That safety net is priceless. 

The Antidote to Isolation

Nonprofit leadership often feels like an island. You’re the one everyone turns to for answers, solutions, and optimism, even when you feel like you’re barely staying afloat.

Colleagues remind you that you’re not alone. They’ve faced the same pressures, the same scrutiny, the same expectations. Just hearing someone say, “Oh yes, we went through that too. Here’s what helped us,” can lift a huge weight off your shoulders.

Practical Problem-Solving Partners

Beyond emotional support, colleagues are a wellspring of practical help. Need a sample fundraising letter? A board recruitment strategy? A recommendation for a grant writer? Chances are, someone in your network has been there, done that, and will gladly share what worked (and what didn’t).

These exchanges save time, prevent you from reinventing the wheel, and often lead to better solutions than you could find alone.

Honest Feedback and Emotional Support

True colleagues are the ones who will celebrate your wins loudly and deliver hard truths gently when you need them. They help you keep your confidence intact when things get rough and remind you of your strengths when self-doubt takes over.

I can’t count how many times a peer has told me, “Stop second-guessing yourself. You know what you’re doing.” Those words matter more than people realize.

The Gift of Perspective

It’s easy to get tunnel vision when you’re managing staff, boards, funders, and community expectations. Peers help you zoom out, see the big picture, and stop taking every hiccup as a personal failure.

Sometimes, a five-minute conversation with a fellow leader can turn a crisis into just another challenge to manage.

Mutual Growth and Reciprocity

These relationships aren’t one-way streets. When you support each other, you strengthen the entire nonprofit sector. You learn from each other’s successes and mistakes. And often, those professional relationships blossom into lifelong friendships that carry far beyond your current role. 

My peers/colleagues/friends have stuck by me through thick and thin, as I have done for them. People have changed jobs, roles, and careers, yet we are still there for each other. One good friend and I speak mostly through sending irreverent TikToks…and that’s all we need… until something pops up that requires deep conversation, and then it’s game on. Every relationship is unique and may offer different support. I know who to call about fundraising, who will give me the honest truth, and who I can just laugh with. Often, these characteristics are present in many of these fantastic people, and I’m there to offer similar support to them. 

How to Build Your Peer Network

If you don’t have a strong network yet, start small:

• Join local or national nonprofit associations or executive director cohorts.

• Attend conferences and make time for coffee chats or hallway conversations, not just workshops.

• Create informal groups, such as a monthly lunch, a text thread, or regular Zoom calls with peers you trust.

• Above all, be open to a diversity of peers in your circle. Not just people like yourself.

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The key is consistency. Relationships grow when you cultivate them. This means you need to be willing to cultivate your peers with as much tenacity and passion as you do in cultivating donors.....probably more. 

A Lifeline in Crisis or Transition

When you face burnout, big transitions, or tough campaigns, colleagues often provide the perspective and courage you need to keep going. They’ll send you ideas, pep talks, or even just memes that make you laugh when you’re ready to cry.

When I dealt with a really harrowing event at one organization, I was so fortunate that my peers were there to listen and say, “It’s going to be okay. It will blow over soon, even if it doesn’t feel like it.” And when another colleague, whom I didn’t know at the time, had a similar situation happen at their organization, my trusted peer network directed them to me so that I could offer similar support and advice rooted in experience. 

Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need to stay in the game.

The Joy Factor

Let’s not overlook the joy. Nonprofit work can be heavy, but colleagues bring the levity that keeps us human.

Celebrating wins, laughing at ridiculous moments only nonprofit folks understand, or texting a GIF when words fail; this camaraderie sustains us in ways spreadsheets and strategic plans never can.

Thriving Together

Being a nonprofit leader doesn’t have to be lonely. Build your network. Invest in those relationships. Lean on each other.

My colleagues have carried me through tough days, celebrated big wins, and reminded me why this work matters. I couldn’t do this job without them, and you shouldn’t have to, either.